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Posts Tagged ‘perspective’

  1. The Traveling Husband…A Matter of Perspective {With Guest Contributor Ms. Hayley}

    March 29, 2012 by Laura

    Ok Plane Janes, let’s wel­come our first guest con­trib­u­tor Ms. Hay­ley!  (FYI blog­ging and talk­ing about your­self in a pub­lic forum can be a bit scary!) so let’s give her lots of sup­port and feedback!  

    My name is Hay­ley and I’m a stay-at-home mom to a 1-year-old daugh­ter and a wife to a hard-working hubby. Most of my day goes to clean­ing, read­ing board books, laun­dry, run­ning errands, exer­cis­ing the dog, play­ing chase, mak­ing 3 meals a day , and of course giv­ing my hus­band the atten­tion he needs. What’s left of the day I spend for me: email­ing, pin­ter­est­ing, working-out, and then lay­ing exhausted in my bed at 10:00 pm try­ing to get a lit­tle read­ing in. Wel­come to my world!

    I have a hus­band that is in not tech­ni­cally a “hus­band who trav­els”, how­ever he might as well be. I com­pletely under­stand your strug­gles with feel­ing like a sin­gle par­ent and doing it alone. Hav­ing a hus­band who owns his own busi­ness feels a lot like hav­ing a hus­band who trav­els, they are often absent phys­i­cally and men­tally. Of course at the begin­ning of our rela­tion­ship it was excit­ing and inter­est­ing con­stantly being on the move and never being home. But then baby came and while I set­tled into my role as a stay at home mom, he con­tin­ued to live the fast life…without me.

    Yes, I have screamed at the top of my lungs

    “STOP ACTING LIKE A FRAT BOY. YOU HAVE A CHILD NOW!”

    (Laura’s aside– Oh Hay­ley, we have ALL said some­thing in the same vain– not our pret­ti­est moments right!?!?!-BUT out of frus­tra­tion and exhaus­tion we all have those ‘not-so-proud-of-myself’ moments and I applaud you for shar­ing the real­ity of what that can sound like sometimes)

    …some­thing we can laugh about today but secretly I am totally serious…stop.

    Some­how my emo­tional side has turned into an angry side and unfor­tu­nately, all my frus­tra­tions are not heard because some­one (*cough cough*) can­not under­stand the chal­lenges and exhaus­tion of being a new mom and a wife to a hus­band with ADHD (Bad!)

    (Ladies, how do you com­mu­ni­cate your feel­ings with your part­ner when you are feel­ing iso­lated? Let’s help each other– this one is HARD!)

    All the while con­tin­u­ing to be the same woman with the hopes, dreams, and hob­bies she had before she got mar­ried and knocked up. I know that sounds sad and neg­a­tive; some­thing nobody wants to hear when they are always happy.

    *sigh*

    Do I even have time to think about what I want anymore?

    (Can I get an AMEN!?)

    I’m still try­ing to fig­ure that out.

    I am in no way try­ing to speak neg­a­tively of my hus­band or our mar­riage because I admit there are lots of things I need to work on within myself . In fact, as I write all of this, it is a mat­ter of per­spec­tive.

    The chal­lenges that I strug­gle with as a mom and wife are issues within me that hold me back from a con­stant state of hap­pi­ness. Luck­ily, I know myself well enough to know a lot of issues are really about me and not so much about our circumstances.

    Things that I am com­mit­ting to this month in order to change my attitude:

    Run­ning

    Focus­ing on myself

    Turn­ing my thoughts around when I think some­thing can’t be done

     

    Okay enough rant­ing for now…I only have so much time before baby wakes up from her nap! : )

    Ok ladies, I have 2 chal­lenges for you!

    1. share your tips with us in the com­ments on how you com­mu­ni­cate with your spouse/significant other when you are feel­ing ‘the ugly mamma’ rear its head

    AND

    2. Like Hay­ley what 3 things are YOU going to do this month to change your perspective?

    Category Lonliness, Parenting, Resilience, Separation | Tags: ,,,,,,,,,,,,,, | 4 Comments