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Posts Tagged ‘morality’

  1. R.E.S.P.I.T.E {find out what that means to me}

    March 27, 2012 by Laura

    Last week the hubs and I stole away for an early 5 year anniver­sary trip to sunny south­ern Cal­i­for­nia (I know per­sonal travel and NOT busi­ness travel! woo hoo!).  We surfed, we sailed, we went wine tast­ing– it was amaz­ing and won­der­ful and so refresh­ing to be together with noth­ing to do but enjoy each other’s com­pany.  I have to admit it felt strange at first, with­out the kids, I felt like I was con­stantly for­get­ting some­thing :) But the feel­ing quickly dis­si­pated as I real­ized the sheer JOY of being able to shower AND pee unin­ter­rupted.  Now don’t get me wrong, leav­ing the kids for any amount of time ALWAYS brings about feel­ings of mommy guilt (you know what I am talk­ing about– the fear that the kids will feel you have com­pletely aban­doned them, no longer love them and that you will never come back) – it is pretty awful stuff.  I have not yet fig­ured out how to avoid the gut wrench­ing guilt when­ever I leave the kids; but this trip helped me bet­ter under­stand the ben­e­fits of RESPITE.

    I have often heard the term, usu­ally in the con­text of care­tak­ers of the elderly that are exhausted and need ‘respite’ from their role as sole provider (a noble and under­stand­able need) but have always felt the term (when­ever I tried to apply it to myself as a Plane Jane) was plagued with just a lit­tle bit judgment…like the feel­ing you get when every­one else in the office is eat­ing at their desk-working through their lunch break– and you are the only one head­ing for the door; soooo ready to escape the phones ring­ing and stress– even for a 30 minute break.  There is a feel­ing of ‘leav­ing your post’ or ignor­ing respon­si­bil­ity.  Even though we ALL know that we are bet­ter peo­ple, bet­ter employ­ees and bet­ter par­ents when we have an oppor­tu­nity to reju­ve­nate and re-center ourselves.

    Any­way, I was try­ing to rec­on­cile the prob­lem of guilt vs. respite so I did what any ex-English stu­dent would do and looked up the word.  I swear it was like being punched in the face with a bag of pup­pies; the term Respite come from the Latin word ‘respec­tus’

    WHAAAA????

    Respec­tus as in RESPECT? Could it actu­ally be that by mak­ing sure we take time to recoup, refresh, (espe­cially as a Plane Jane) it is an act of respect?  I promise you that as soon as I read that I got it.  I under­stood why (even though the guilt will never go away) I HAD to take time– it is not because I am self­ish, or don’t love my kids– it is because I RESPECT them.  I know I am a more patient mom, a silly mom, a mom that is will­ing to say ‘poopy dia­per’ in a funny voice in the mid­dle of the gro­cery store to make my 3-year-old stop cry­ing when I feel filled, rested, and my rela­tion­ship with my hubs is in a good place.

    Respite time or RESPECT-TIME is essen­tial friend

    Respite time or RESPECT-TIME is essen­tial friend.  If you have an oppor­tu­nity (maybe it is just turn­ing on Go Diego Go for 30 min­utes so you can take a moment for YOU) is not some­thing that should plague you with feel­ings of guilt, but instead make you feel like mommy of the year– you are respect­ing your kids when you take time to keep your­self YOU.

    When was the last time you took some respect-time?

    Category Respite | Tags: ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, | 4 Comments