Saving...
Kelly shares an interesting phenomenon that I have certainly felt. How do we maintain the balance between our very important friendships and our limited time with the hubs?
Sometimes I feel as though I live a double life.
Life One — Husband is Home
Life Two– Husband is Gone
Living this double life was honestly a bit harder when I was younger and more free-spirited. I had endless free time so most of it was spent with friends on the weekends, whether it be going out to the bars or making road trips to see other friends. I tried to plan all of this while he was gone so I wouldn’t miss out on any time with him when he was home. I had some great times with my girlfriends but then when he got home, it meant all downtime and reconnecting with him. I knew at the time that I was definitely spending less time with my friends, but I didn’t realize how negatively this was coming across. While I will never know what truly went wrong, I know now that many of those friendships ended, and I can only imagine this was the main catalyst behind that.
Today, having a child, the experience is a bit different. I am no longer the party girl I once was although I do still like to get out there and have fun. Thankfully today I am surrounded by some AMAZING friends that truly understand my double life. They know that when my husband is gone I may spend more time with them and see them a bit more often, but when he is home I can see how happy they are for me and my little girl, that our little fam is back together. I also have learned over the years that even when he is home, it doesn’t mean I have to abandon my girlfriends, and he is great about pushing me out the door to go “hussy around” (haha!) as he calls it with my girls.
Despite their understanding, I do often struggle internally to find a balance, and I can’t help by get frustrated sometimes. I often find myself planning a night out, then when the time comes I think: “Why am I going out when I could be spending quality time with him? Why am I going to spend this money on drinks when it could be a nice dinner out for us?” Of course when I cancel I think, “Why the heck didn’t I just go out??” I think my friends feel it sometimes too; I notice at times that they don’t really know whether or not to ask us to do things. I so often hear, “Well I know J is home so I didn’t want to monopolize your special time”. I totally respect this, but every once in a while we are like, “Hey, we still want to do things with you!”
How do you all handle your double life? Do you find you get any negative reactions/backlash from those that don’t understand your schedule and routine change?
