I have a confession. I am selfish. I realized just how selfish I am on Sunday. It had been a long week with my hubs gone– there were the usual crazy Plane Jane moments (like my 1.5 year old shaving a chunk out of his hair)
and the wonderful moments that you are so devastated your partner wasn’t there to witness (like my goofball kids dancing thier little hearts out to a junior high ‘garage band’ practice).
So when Sunday rolled around and it was the first glorious day the whole family was together again I was soooooo relieved. We spent a quiet day around the house, my hubs and I were “reconnecting” in all the ways married couples do- things were really ,really amazing. I was feeling so blessed and so grateful all day.
Until the last part of the evening when for whatever reason my focus shifted. Instead of seeing all of the wonderful funny things my kids were creating, or feeling glad that my husband was able to rest while I had a kitchen full of food to make for dinner…all I could hear was whining, all I could see was the mess, all I wanted was for someone to help ME. I am serious when I tell you that it was like a dragon possessed my body and I instantly was cranky, irritable and short- with everyone. I am SOOO not proud of how I was acting…so after I literally swatted my husband’s hand away as he tried to show me some lovin’ it was all over. My moodiness ruined my honeymoon. The end of the wonderful day was poopy because mom decided to see the crap instead of the glory. I know this is NOT the first time I have done this…in fact it is a bit of a pattern with me…I am fine, fine, fine and then whamo– the house is a disaster, I burn dinner, the kids are crying and out comes Dragon Mom.
I had to remove myself for a minute to seriously give my self a talking too. I asked myself what the real problem was…answer…nothing. So I asked myself why I was upset…and I realized it was because I stopped seeing the wonder and started focusing on the struggle. We are inherently selfish people…from day one everything is mine, mine, mine and me, me, me. I am really working on being grateful and more self-less as I get to spend more time with my kids. It is hard as moms because the job is never ending– the cleaning, the wiping, the calm voice all the time…but I really saw such an evident shift in my entire family dynamic when my mood changed that it struck me how responsible I really am for their wellbeing. So my little meltdowns, while they may be justified, are just me being selfish, and how can I tell my kids to be patient with one another and stop throwing fits when dragon mom over here is losing it?!?!
The good news of course is that I have an incredibly forgiving family. But, I am REALLY trying to harness this dragon of mine so no to ruin the honeymoon next time.
What turns you into a dragon mom? Or, shoot, am I the only one;)